Monday, November 30, 2009

Funny Shit of The Week


you are NOT human...if you cont cry laughing from this shit lol the fact that the dog is humping to the music is priceless!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Affection


My Affection causes Affliction ha haha. Waaay fucked up. But I show too much affection to people who don't deserve it. What's the cause? Not sure, could be that that is the kind of person I am but that's not true AND a cheap cop out. I have been in a lot of relationships for long periods of time in my life. Its just something I'm used to doing all the time. I know I've sent mixed feelings to different women through my life with this. Cuz I could not mean anything by the shit I do and they take it as a whole 'nother thing. Im the best for affection, as long as you have a heads up. Not really big on kissin, but if I feel like it, imma do it. When im in a relationship im probably considered the perfect boyfriend. All that cuddle hug affection bullshit, I dig it. I dig it so much that when im not in a relationship, I'll do it just because I feel like it. Has nothing to do with feelings toward the person I'm with, by any means. My suggestion for women would be, not all people are the same. So in dealing with me ladies, I'd say, take EVERYTHING said or done with a tablespoon of salt.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Pride


Death before dishonor and I tell you what else
I tighten my belt 'fore I beg for help/
Foolish pride is what held me together through the years
I wasn't felt which is why I ain't never played myself/ - Jay Z "Justify My Thug"


It rules me. Overall. I have tried to control it but I can't. Used to glorify my pride. Wanted it tatted on my left arm with a kings crown on top of the 'P'. Then I found out it was a sin lmao. It's just how I've always been. I won't ask or beg for anything. I hate being someone who's in need of help or assistance. If I need it, I'll never admit it. I hate when people have pity for me. It irks the fuck out of me when something bad happens and people say "I'm sorry". Like I have REAL anger. Never wanted to be one of those people always in debt to someone. I'm in enough debt with college loans lol I don't know though. I won't accept any offers when I need things. Won't even say its the whole "manhood" thing because that has nothing to do with it. For example if the term "man up" is used on me by anyone, male or female it has no effect. I can look down to my ankles and know that I'm a man so im schwayze lol But on this prideful note, I've tried to work on it. Like trying to be a little depending, but people always let me down. So really, its no fucking purpose. I'd rather I let myself down, than rely on the help from some outside force and it lets me down.

Common Sense


Not really sure how to begin to explain it. I hate when I'm in a situation with someone or a group of people who don't have it. I mean not making bad or stupid decisions because they want to, but because they genuinely do not know any better. Its got to be a part of how everyone was reared as a child. Mother wit is the original name for it. There are some that lack this however and it baffles me. Like, how do you try to explain to someone with NO common sense what common sense is? You have to sit and deal with asinine situations, especially if the person is someone close to you or a friend. Often, if you experience someone like this, and you don't know them, you'll start to believe you're crazy for thinking the right way. There are certain things you just don't do! Taking someone of the opposite sex, to your significant others' parents house, that your significant other has never met isn't right. Calling a friend a name specifically meant for a sexual term, around the person you're interested in is fucked up too. You don't bring your ex, around the potential next without prior knowledge. Spending time with your current boy/girlfriend, you don't answer calls from your ex and when asked "what are you up to?" simply respond...'just chillin'. YOU DON'T TELL YOUR EX YOU STILL LOVE THEM OVER THE PHONE, WHILE THE CURRENT PERSON YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP IS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!!! These are only a few of the ones that have stuck out so far to me. But really, some shit should just be known. Or so it would seem.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Confrontation

A few ex's have probably thought it cowardice, but I am afraid of no one and nothing. Swear. Strictly applying to relationships, because if its a confrontation as in a fight? I'm so down. I have so much pent up anger and aggression and anything can trigger it. It would be bad if anyone did. Just pure bad. But speaking in terms of being with someone, I close shut, I'll be real. If I'm in a situation where I feel uncomfortable or I don't want to respond I leave. Whether it be packing up and leaving, or mentally leaving, I shut close. Why? I honestly don't know. I've been this way for quite some time. I've been spoiled my whole life, that can possibly attribute to it. It's what feels good, its what feels right. Just leaving or moving around before the situation worsens has become natural to me.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Perfect World

Its dope, check this shit out. First of all, the Chicago bears would be 9-1 in the NFC North lol. I'd have my record label goin, clothing line started about last year. Degree in Music Business Management down and working on my masters...in what? Idmfk, something scientific. I love science! My cousin KT & Dre would still be busting heads in the NBA. My niece and nephew would be set, money in the bank & better schooling. Mom, she wouldn't work anymore, she doesn't deserve to be. Pop would be relaxing on vacay from his Presidency spot @ his gig. Sis would have her restaurant chain & massage parlors poppin. Perfection, prosperity for all.

Sadly, it doesn't exist. I'm unemployed, since January. I haven't been in school in years. Haven't been back because of debt and credit tie ups between 2 schools. Sis & her Bf still unable to find work. Niece and nephew in school, now they're doing good, but I just want them to be in a better school. Not many exist in Indiana. Dad is unemployed since last December and lookin for work. My mother is the only one working. The glue holding the family together financially. I want this weight off her shoulders. She IS a strong woman, but no one deserves that load.

If only a perfect world were attainable

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Wrestling


I love it. Point blank period. Yeah I know its fake, I'm not that one 40 year old man crying "its real to me", but I enjoy it. I like that they give black superstars more of a push these days instead of just having them do comedic scenes or lose all the time. Yes I'll buy every smackdown vs raw game until 2012 when the world ends lol From being introduced to Hulk Hogan as a kid by my older cousin K.T., to my other older cousin Kelly who taught me how to play video games and the first game I played was Pro Wrestling on the NES with the green dude who bit people's heads...I was an immediate fan! I remember seeing my first pay per view, my first wrestlemania, my first royal rumble, my first steel cage match, and I watched all with awe and amazement. I remember when DX started and I remember when the N.W.O. took over WCW. Of course like every kid I made my own championship belt. It was made from a piece of a train track and a real belt looped through it lol  Yeah I tried moves on friends, but I never did the dumb ass backyard wrestling shit. I had sense to know where and when to stop. But yes it's a guilty pleasure of mine that will NEVER subside.

Hero

I don't know where this natural emotion of wanting to "save the world" has come from you figure me coming up spoiled I'd be more selfish than anything. But I always have the urgency to help people in need and care for those I don't know that well. Its given me good and bad. Sometimes those I help I end up misleading somehow, but sometimes it works for them and they are able to benefit. One of my ex's and I once got into it, because I said if I had one wish, it would be for everyone on earth, to experience one week or even a day, without stress or worry. She thought I should've wished for things that I wanted or money or the like. I don't know, but whenever someone is in a tight situation or in need of a hand or shoulder I always want to make a dying effort to assist. Total stranger or blood relative.

-Captain Caresalot

C.M.S.

She was indeed a unique individual. Light & Darkness in my life. More light than I would ever admit. Someone who actually still has potential to be a good friend after her near 4 year tenure in Randamity with me " ) Talented singer, horrible joke teller, musician, confidant. She helped me understand a lot more in life than she'd ever learn. Through the rises and falls, there was always and still is love there. I don't care how mad ANYONE says they are at ANYONE, if you've deeply loved someone, want to or not, you'll ALWAYS love that person. Be they friend or foe. I can't speak ill of her either. There was much more good than bad. At first, after the breakup, i couldnt fathom being friends with her, but now I know it to be possible. I cut deep and delve into people and situations a lot in my blogs, but not her. I respect her privacy as she was never a public person and hated that I was " ). So to you Ms. S. *tips hat & bows* I thankyah lol ♥

-pumpkin noodle

Comfort

Too many times have I been in fucked up situations in my life. No one to blame but myself. Times where i could have and should have spoke up i didn't. I just let too mush shit pass by and "ride with it". Though I haven't felt comfortable in my own body for some time now. I'm talking years. Now I don't mean no sex change bullshit lol I mean the fact that I haven't lived care free or without fear or worry of future events. I haven't been at a relaxed state. Overall haven't been comfortable with...me. That's some serious shit right there. Mentally it fucks with you a great deal. Not so much physically, I've done my best to keep/stay in shape. Sure situations have added to this, but again, it's no one's fault but my own. The type of individual I am was built through the muck I've placed myself and what I have dealt with. So how can I really complain? Sometimes I feel as if I don't have control, as much as I do. Granted in any problem I have had, as always, I'm 5 steps ahead. It's rare that something happens that I don't suspect or that I am not prepared for. When it does happen however I stumble.

Ryan H.


This blog, aside from my general day to day thoughts, opinions, and emotions, is to show, as the name entails, The Real Ryan H. Not the various screen names or even this "internet persona" some have made for me that in no form defines me.

Who I am is a 25 year-old, nowhere near perfect individual, cycling through the days learning what I can and helping who I deem necessary. Born May 26, 1984 (that's right...a Gemini...the X is up there if you're done reading), originally from Chicago Ilinois, but now residing in Schererville Indiana. (Yes...it's a REAL place...google/bing it) A lyracist, not just a rapper, all of my words have valor and meaning, deep or not. I'll get into that one of these days. High-fucking-larious, if I say so myself (and I do). Asshole (to the HIGHEST FEAT....check the disclaimer), who's working on my cockiness.....somewhat. Without sounding like an e harmony ad or newspaper dating I'll cut it short lol



Welcome to my Randamity.