NICE¡!

Did another YouTube vid today...

http://tinyurl.com/th1rt3en

There's more at....

www.myspace.com/onlyone13

I don't know how to feel. There's an emptiness, I know that much. It's almost palpable. Things aren't how they were, but they aren't bad either. Never look to the past for a perception, you'll always trip over the future. Is it a child? No, I honestly don't think so. I wouldn't mind a kid right now though. I know what I always said about bringing a child in to the world in these kinds of situations but...yeah, you say a lot until you're faced with certain things. Is it school? I've debated going back for sometime and had finally come to grips that I do want to begin next year. Those ideas and their solidarity were shattered once i received a bill from my past scholastic attempts. Do I really want to be in that much MORE debt? That's not a good way to look at it, but shit, that's how I see it. I need to find out what it is missing though. Nothing is wrong, but something just doesn't seem right. Not sure if its my work situation, relationship shit, school, debts, bills, or my rhyming. God knows I'm WAY over due to record more material. I don't mean one song to listen to for a year until i record the next one either. I mean actually getting shit DONE. Can't say I haven't fathomed giving up, but I can't. I know I'm good and I know I need to be heard. When I do make it, i'll have a funny story to tell through all of this stress, pain and suffering. Like "I remember when finding a studio was the biggest hindrance." Until that time that's what I'm faced with. That, and unemployment, as well as making sure my girlfriend is happy everyday. Making everyday spent with her the best of her life. She's truly lucky to have the more mature Ryan from the asshole I was in relationships past. I can't show her that, but I'm gonna try my best to have it seen through my actions. I'm always going to put her before any/everything. Normally my blogs have a theme or topic I discuss. This is more so...not venting but, cognitive diarrhea lol. I've many huge tasks to undertake, and I am ready and willing to accept and surmount them all, if I can just be put in the area to attack them. All of this on the upcoming eve for my 26th (golden) birthday on the 26th of May. Maybe this is all just life settling in, even more so than in the past.