A Day

Can I have a day?
One day where I'm first?
A day of acknowledgment and admiration?
My very own day where I'm thought of?
A day where I am appreciated and its shown by action, not empty words?
Where time is spent the way I wanted?
I'm catered to instead of vice versa?
The love I give is reciprocated, genuinely?
Nothing is done out of dread or fear?
A day where I don't feel like I'm just being used?
I'm not expected to do tasks that I really don't have to, but I do in fear of even more rejection and neglect?
A day of respect?
A day where this is done from genuine compassion, not because favors are expected to be returned?
A day where all of this occurs, just because?
Not because it is mentioned?
Just one day?
Not because its my birthday or any special occasion?
If that's too much, I'll accept an hour.
If that's still too much, a minute.
A second, where it can be my day, and I will be the alpha and omega of that day.


My day.

So I came back after 9 months....

Stated it briefly on twitter, but I learned a lot in these few days being back at home after 9 months. People have changed for the better and worst. I'm deeply saddened that I couldn't see everyone and do all the things I wanted to do (get souvenirs, food, record music, hang out), but some people.....ya'll need to do better. I still wont be an asshole and name names and all of that, but some people are still stagnant from 9 months ago when I left. You don't want better from your life? I mean you are in control of EVERY situation that you are in. You can DO better. Stop being afraid. Get up and do. Can't complain about shit that you can change. At least not to me anyway. I don't want to hear the shit. There's no way that you can be content. I can see how miserable you are in your actions/text/speech. You need to be fearless. Explore life. Try new things. DO new things.  I love everyone here, friends and fam, so I want you to want to do better. I left EVERYTHING, for love. Not knowing what was next, not knowing where I was going, but I was out. Enjoying my life. Making moves toward a better life. Not in the same stew, with the same repetitive actions. My sister came up with this slogan for me, I am still debating getting it tattooed on me, but it fits so perfectly. "No Failure, for the Fearless" There is no failure for someone who is actually active in their life. You can't sit back and wait for shit to happen. Life isn't as long as you'd think. The same way when you were a kid and you SCREAMED "I can't wait to be an adult" and everyone told you to pump your brakes and enjoy childhood. Now you're an adult, you look back like....fuck. I wish I would've done that. I had a few good talks while I was here. Some were uplifting and some were saddening. Made me realize a lot. Happy that I have made the decisions I have and have the goals and plans that I do. I've probably blogged this before, I WANT to help everyone but I know I can't. It wasn't all sadness though. It was nice seeing my brother again after all this time. Coming back in August to be in his wedding. That's gonna be weird lol I wont be gone as long as before because I am employed now. So the faces of love I once left won't be sad as they were before. They had no idea of when or IF I would ever return. I felt like I could have drowned in all of the tears shed for me. It's a huge burden off of my soul to know that I won't cause that kind of hurt in people I care about again. The family and friends will visit me and Candi in VA soon. Everything is still going according to goal :D So as I sign off, from the computer in my parents extra room/my niece and nephew's room/my old room, I am excited for all of the new things that are coming to fruition. Hopefully the next blog is from my macbook pro lol