Privacy

I see now how she felt. Exposed and embarrassed. Feels as if you're being broken apart when its breached. Privacy is supposed to be private. I see and understand however. Whole lot of bugs to be worked out before normalcy is here. I knew it wasn't gonna be 100% forever. That's why I'm taking everything step by step. What happens in a private setting should remain such. We're all adults here. No need for childish antics or games. Those comments were HIGHLY unnecessary for the public. There's no taking it back and a "sorry" won't cover it. Privacy should be such. I completely get how she used to feel when I went to every outside source and gum/finger flapped about shit between us. Meh, another reason I'm not so upset is, I know almost everything I've done in my life is on its way back. Fuck it. Come all at once or one at a time. I'm much more mature and prepared. Privacy lines need to be discussed however to prevent further problems and/or issues. Truth is, some people don't think before they act. I've been down that road, and I'm not going back.

Stuck

I hate the feeling. Being somewhere, or in a situation that you don't want to be, with no exit. Its one of the most frustrating things in the world. You just wanna yell or flip out, but that doesn't solve shit. So you're stuck. What sucks more is I've no patience so it REALLY sucks. Sometimes it's monetary, other times emotionally, but I know everyone has felt this way before. Its physically sickening, be it headaches or otherwise, it's painful. You have to just sit and take it. It being whatever situation has arisen. This is moreso a rant than a blog posting. Im currently in the situation of not being in a comfotable living area. Once we're in the house in april it will all be for the better. Currently the weather, and people's overall laziness are what's preventing us right now. With no way around it, we're stuck. Unless my music or the lottery kicks in soon....then we'll be right here...."/

Alien

What the fuck is it with me? If not me, what the fuck is it with people? When I've had woes in relationships or things that seem clear cut, common sense to me, are often greek to the significant other. Some shits just cut and dry, well in my eyes its cut and dry. I ALWAYS have a problem with the other halves about things that seem crystal clear to me. Never to any rebuttal of good reasoning, or any reasoning at all. I feel as if I'm an alien. Im the only one who understands. I don't like the feeling. It's never boded well. EVER. In the past I tried rationalizing and chalking it up to being raised in different areas. What's commonplace to me could be unfathomable to someone else. However, this theory is quickly proved asinine when over used. I just don't get it. Something clear and conscise to me isn't clear all around the board. It's one of the most aggrivating things ever. My heart physically hurts right now. I can't explain or understand something so simple.

"Friendship"

I know me. I know that I can't handle it. Even though we talked, the shit still bothers me. I'm not going anywhere, so there's no issue there. However this freindship has got to go. I can't deal with it. I know how I get. I don't want this to be an issue later, but I  also know how I'll end up reacting. I don't like it, it MUST end. I could understand if both parties were on the same page, but one isn't. It isn't your family anymore, mind your life and go forward. Because I swear, promise and guarantee, you don't wanna go backward while I'm around. This relationship shit is hard. Sad as it is this is probably the first REAL one I've been in. The sacrifices I make and what not are of a higher magnitude than I've ever had before. I love her, so I'm going to react for her. Which is difficult because I'm so used to reacting for myself. Inital response for anything I don't give a fuck about is ASSHOLE. I can't be fake though, and I won't pretend anything for anyone. I won't let my mind take over and stir, but I won't ignore my thoughts either. First minds always often correct. I don't want   it around at fucking all