1/19/11

wow. what the fuck has been going on in my life lol things are much better than they were before, not perfect but much better. i realized last night trying to get a track list together of things to record....that all my songs are sad as fuck. not like suicidal sad, but the tone. i have hardly ANY exciting or fun filled songs. like, i was really going through all that? makes me sad all over again realizing it right now. i want to be jovial, but how can I with shit like pipe dreams, listen to me, and natural high? i don't wanna record that shit. its fuckin depressing. not to mention the kind of shit people like to listen to nowadays anyway deters me from it. I've admitted it to myself and a few others, but never open like this. Im not cocky, but i know im dope. I just feel like, what's the point really? i mean im good at it, but i honestly don't see this as something i really want to do anymore. Could be the lack of outlets talking. I mean it's been years. That shit weighs down on you. Along with all the other problems in life. I don't know though. I've been in this funk several times before. Snapped out of it once I felt inspired. But now, I'm honestly not sure what I want. All I ever hear now os garbage and talentless people. Do I really wanna prove to people I don't know or give a fuck about that I'm better than them? I mean its not hard. So many factors and shit. Who knows how long this will last. On top of it all, I still feel like I'm number 4 or 5 on the list. I know my blogs were supposed to get better but, lack of support and outlets, I gotta say how I really feel. what a way to start off the year right?