I gotta work on not spazzing out every time something amazes me. Its like a default on me. I'm so used to japping out and I haven't had much experience in being calm. Its just a natural reaction. I can't help it. Even trying to take breaths and taking time to calm down doesn't help. It only makes me angrier.Can't be totally mad at things in life when its partly your fault. The assume addage comes into play here. Also does common sense. Guaranteed had I known the full terms none of this would have been agreed upon. Double standard, im not one for it. Its unfair as shit. Im sure somewhere someone's happy about my plight. None of the previous plans/ideas are coming in to fruition. I already wasn't comfortable with it before. Definitely not now. Makes me wonder if all the terms were thought to be same. I gotta control my anger, but its tough. I don't wanna mess up good things in the future, by being stubborn with my past. Its like I don't know how to approach things the right way. I react entirely off anger. I suck at faking emotions also. You can 20 times out of 5 tell when im pissed about something. Its a growing process. One I should have started a long time ago. No use in bitching about it now however. Gotta get a start somewhere....
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