Clarity

I need clarity. Its like I have the feeling and vision of what I want and need, but its unattainable. Like its there but smudged. Or at least the directions to get there are smudged. So many things have occurred recently that are destined to place me back in that ever so often arising state of melancholy that occurs. Unemployment's done. Jobs turning me down, or im being held from certain jobs on purpose. Both bank accounts are somehow overdrawn, with NO money anywhere for them to be fixed. Restless, just a myriad of circumstances. I used to own mental windex, when I was cocky, arrogant and reckless. Now that im much more mature, I need a stronger formula. My music seems to suffer. I've fallen back into a slump.....again. I don't know. I need to figure all of this out. I have to have a list and plot my steps out. Fuck everyone else. Its time to be selfish. I cant keep giving to ungrateful people and getting shitted on, or wasting my time with idiotic ideas or values. I refuse to be a stepping stone or slave. I need to focus. Focus. Focus. FOCUS. Focus on myself, my goals, a plan to get me out of the hole that I'm in. As well as an extra rope to escape once I have escaped.