Judgement

Because of judgment I OFTEN feel as if I haven't a soul in the world to talk to. If not for the person or situation I'm having an issue with, then of myself for allowing it. Personally, I hate "I told you so'ers", or those who are quick to arrive at a conclusion for my issues without hearing me out first. And to avoid it, I often hold off. Friends, family and otherwise. Sad shit, I have many people I can talk to or confide in, but I don't want them looking negatively at any situation I deal with. I don't know. I suppose this falls into my same blog a out feeling stuck (stuck blog). Having some/anyone to talk to is a rare thing for me. My ex chastised me frequently for discussing any issues with anyone. Not just for things about us. I look back and I was doing the most. So I often think, am I doing too much (privacy blog)? Yet another reason I'm in this box so to speak. My moods and opinions are ever changing and I don't want someone close to me to have a definite or set opinion on anything I tell them. So who else better to have discussions with but yourself? It's funny how with some of my blogs I try to come to a solution or resolution, not here. Really don't know where to go with it, but myself. I don't want to be irritated by false judgment of others, nor do I want their opinions swayed. Come to think of it, why the fuck does almost everyone I know have such an easily swayed opinion? I just realized it and don't like that shit. And now I truly haven't a soul in the world to talk to. Just recently I found out people whom I thought I could confide in have changed. I honestly know I wouldn't want their opinion. Its just me left to figure out.....everything.

Done.

Had my final encounter with that bitch ass nigga, God showed me the right way, and I'm thankful for it. Woofin, barkin, and as TI put it "tongue wrasslin" doesn't phase me. I'm a new man. A smarter man. It takes violence to move a leader. I'm to smart to even waste energy on bullshit. That shit is shit and was flushed years ago. Been down that road and ain't shit there at the end. Already Home? I've been transcendent for 2 years. As I asked when he approached me "you still on that bullshit?", unto wit he replied.."yeah i hate you nigga!" If you hate me so much...why stand and talk shit...GET CLOSE and talk shit. Punch me. Real niggas don't speak. Thats why I didnt budge. I didn't need my fam to budge either. I wanted them to hold back cuz i wanted to see what this dude was REALLY about, but I already knew...nothing. Aint NO nigga finna hoe me. Talk all shit you want. Lay hands, its a different situation. Over done and gone. No worries or complaints. A final test of sorts which I passed with no issue. I see 10 steps ahead in any situation or scheme. It shall not pass or come to fruition. Faith and intelligence held me down and I am grateful for both. God's shown me the light when the Devil caught a hold of my first mind.....which I ALWAYS follow. Nah, I'm good and cool on bullshit. Im a grown man, with a new family soon to take care of, I've no time or strength for childish behavior. My sanity has me in that area with death as the only option. Yet another reason I try to remain cool. Killing this cat would be the only way to shut him the fuck up. I have control over my carnal instincts however. I rest now. No more will/shall ever be spoken if this night. Plus, pretty good for someone who isn't famous yet. When I DO make it...niggas gonna HATE tryina rile me up so I can hit em and catch a charge lmao

Spaz

I gotta work on not spazzing out every time something amazes me. Its like a default on me. I'm so used to japping out and I haven't had much experience in being calm. Its just a natural reaction. I can't help it. Even trying to take breaths and taking time to calm down doesn't help. It only makes me angrier.Can't be totally mad at things in life when its partly your fault. The assume addage comes into play here. Also does common sense. Guaranteed had I known the full terms none of this would have been agreed upon. Double standard, im not one for it. Its unfair as shit. Im sure somewhere someone's happy about my plight. None of the previous plans/ideas are coming in to fruition. I already wasn't comfortable with it before. Definitely not now. Makes me wonder if all the terms were thought to be same. I gotta control my anger, but its tough. I don't wanna mess up good things in the future, by being stubborn with my past. Its like I don't know how to approach things the right way. I react entirely off anger. I suck at faking emotions also. You can 20 times out of 5 tell when im pissed about something. Its a growing process. One I should have started a long time ago. No use in bitching about it now however. Gotta get a start somewhere....