Saturday, January 14, 2012

Control


Obviously I can't complain because I'm guilty of it as well, but what is it with people letting other people treat them shitty and control their lives? Like...this person is oppressing you...and you keep them on a pedestal. I know of way too many people who go through this. I've sat with them during the pain, tears and sometimes suicidal moments. The agony they put themselves through for someone who can care less about them. This attracts you? This is what you think "love" is? People say its 'daddy issues' and other factors but I've seen women/men with great backgrounds fall into this pit. Do you think you can change that person? As much hurt as they cause, why would/do you stay? I've been there, giving my all to someone, holding them in high regard when they shit all over me. What did I do? Clean the shit off and keep going, keep trusting and keep loving. Why I did it was because I thought I saw the good in a woman or I accepted it all as karma from the horrid things I've done in the past. This was of course until I realized that I didn't need to sacrifice myself to pay penance. We all need to wake up. one or two good days don't make up for the months of torment. I have a friend now TRAPPED in a marriage, always wrecking her brain about what to do. Why work so hard for a person who could care less whether you're happy or miserable, living or breathing. Stop squandering your physical and mental power on another when you could be bettering yourself.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Change

Been a while since I posted. I was told to get back to it. So much has gone n though I didn't ever think I would be back to normal. Fuck, I still don't think I am. I still have this sense or worry or doubt. I know it isn't good but the shits still there. I thought that when a change occurs it was for the better? I don't know, seems like that as a person, I have changed for the worst in my eyes. I mean, I don't know how the hell I can even consider my screen names as factual, evilth1rt3en. I'm the most nicest fucking considerate person you'll ever know now. I hate this shit. I said two years ago moving to the East Coast has made me soft. I can't honestly even call myself an asshole anymore. Some people might read this and think of it as good. You know, I'm getting older, more mature, growing up. I'm not comfortable with it. Not saying I want to be this bitter evil villain or what not, but I can't say I'm honestly happy with the me I have become. There's some good in it however, my tempter, while still fiery as fuck, has calmed down a lot more. I don't flip out over as many things as I used to. Granted I will still fuck someone up in a heartbeat. I try to think of the consequences more so now than in the past. Still working so thats good, gettin paid less because of an issue with student loans but that's a whole nother topic. Got rid of my twitter. The shit was just boring. I outgrew it. Shit had'nt been fun REALLY since 2009. Too much annoying shit taking place. Lost a dip me and my girl had over some thirsty nigga/ex-coworker who I considered a friend to soon. Got into a car accident last June, I hate the fucking car I have now so much you don't know. I think that aslo has something to do with my moods as of late. Signing off right now, just wanted to give a quick update. I thank everyone who has been reading for as long as they have. There will be much more to come. Feel free to comment on or pass along any of my older posts.


Ryan