I tighten my belt 'fore I beg for help/
Foolish pride is what held me together through the years
I wasn't felt which is why I ain't never played myself/ - Jay Z "Justify My Thug"
It rules me. Overall. I have tried to control it but I can't. Used to glorify my pride. Wanted it tatted on my left arm with a kings crown on top of the 'P'. Then I found out it was a sin lmao. It's just how I've always been. I won't ask or beg for anything. I hate being someone who's in need of help or assistance. If I need it, I'll never admit it. I hate when people have pity for me. It irks the fuck out of me when something bad happens and people say "I'm sorry". Like I have REAL anger. Never wanted to be one of those people always in debt to someone. I'm in enough debt with college loans lol I don't know though. I won't accept any offers when I need things. Won't even say its the whole "manhood" thing because that has nothing to do with it. For example if the term "man up" is used on me by anyone, male or female it has no effect. I can look down to my ankles and know that I'm a man so im schwayze lol But on this prideful note, I've tried to work on it. Like trying to be a little depending, but people always let me down. So really, its no fucking purpose. I'd rather I let myself down, than rely on the help from some outside force and it lets me down.
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