Humility

Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up

James 4:10

I've got it. No one can tell me that the Ryan from years past is the same as the current. That break in and firing is definitely what did it. Its a shame it always takes something drastic to happen for peoples lives to turn around. I tried to 360 off the relationship woes and ended up turning myself into and even more insolent man. Once the violation of my livelihood occurred it became a completely different scenario. The feeling my ♥ had as it sank into the pit of my stomach as my apartment door swung open so effortlessly from a push after my three day vacation to my parents house was indescribable. The word 'sinking' is inferior to how I really felt. Raped. Abused. Violated. Period. The loss of my job only a month thereafter allowed everything to start settling in my brain. I didn't want to do anything anymore. No suicidal thoughts, I just...didn't want to do anything. Far from the cocky, loud, money flashing person I was, now I have a sense of sense so to speak. Can't blame it on being young, cuz I still am.

Now, in this the time of Christmas, I am reminded of my old ghost. The plague of shopping and spending frivolously, is embedded in my brain everyday as I check my email in December. Emails from various companies & vendors, wondering where their top customer has gone.

°amazon
°flyclothing
°dr jays
°rocawear
°zales
°overstock
°bestbuy
°ebay

All of these places and many others, daily coupons and deals with my name strewn across it makes me sick to my stomach. How could I have been this way? What caused it? I am glad that it's over, but I let them continue to email me. As a constant reminder to never become my former self ever again. If I could go back in time I'd only wish to transfer my humility. I like being humble " )